YOUR MINDSET IS 80% PART OF THE SOLUTION
At the beginning of this year, the beginning of my marriage, during my mission, depression ruled my life. It was like a crazy wild roller coaster that I just wanted to get off of. People were telling me that I was a different person, I wasn't as happy as I used to be. I was crying at LEAST once a day, if not more. Self harming was on my mind constantly, weather it was through Bulimia or gouging my skin with a sharp pointy object, those thoughts were on my mind, just because it felt like those things would take the mental pain away.
Before I go on, you must know I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good amount of time. Food and I were always on rocky grounds, either I was eating far too much, or far too little, but my eating habits and my mental state were just plain out of control. I lied my way into a mission because I truly desired to serve, and I really thought the problem would go away, but any time I got stressed... the monster would come out and bingeing and purging were my comfort ....... and my demon.
Fast forward to my marriage. I LOVE my husband, and he is the ROCK of my life, but my depression wasn't just harming me, it was harming him. So after him pleading and my parents pleading I sought medical attention, the doctor prescribed what I like to call my "crazy meds" and away I went to the races. At first it did help with my depression, no more suicidal or self harming thoughts, but it brought on a whole new monster. Lack of self confidence from weight gain.
I was trading one evil for another.
If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, you know that gaining weight and being obese are a near debilitating fear, and the meds were a band aid for one problem, but in my case, they were NOT the solution. One day, after feeling sorry for myself, I realized that was the LAST day I was going to sit and wallow in self pity that I was so "FAT" and "BROKEN" I am the one who determines my own destiny, no pill, no doctor, no government is going to do that for me. So I stopped my meds, I wasn't going to let myself depend on a chemical. All my life I was told "you will probably need medication" but I knew there had to be something else at the core of my issue. And I realized, input determines output.
Some people may say that going on extreme diets are crazy, but I need to tell you right now, if you put junk in your body, junk is going to come out, and not just by way of your feces. I made a goal, if I didn't want to deal with being overweight, weepy, and plain miserable, things ... needed... to change.
I started to get motivated, looking at people who had weighed far more than me, and had transformed to fitness goddesses. I did a 4 day lemonade cleanse to jump start my new life, my new mindset, my new me. I started a workout plan, determined to go every day to the gym and not missing a beat. Lastly I started reading a good amount of self help books, because INPUT DETERMINES OUTPUT!
One month passed, I wasn't eating sugar, carbs, milk, or grains. I was determined to get a fresh start and let my body reset. Because if your computer is going skwampy wampus, you hit that reset button, and my body sure as the day was all sorts of skwampy wampus. I lost 12 lbs, but more than that, I started gaining confidence. My thoughts were no longer "if this happens, things will get better" they were, "WHEN this happens it will be because I worked hard and am worth the outcome."
I wish that the first thing my doctor had told me was that I should change my nutrition. Because my whole world changed once I removed the toxins from my body! You may make fun of those people who don't eat carbs, or those people who choose to only put veggies and proteins in their body. BUT I PROMISE YOU those people are happy and confident because they are making the choices that will change the entire makeup of their body. Again, doctors are good, they help us, but band aids are not the cure. For me, the cure to my depression, was a change of mindset, a development of character, and the will to remove bad eating habits and to put forth good eating habits.
I'm still on my journey, but I don't cry anymore, (unless I watch Moana, or a movie about families... because those things are touching!) I don't ever fantasize about hurting myself. I am confident in my abilities to succeed, in fact I'm out to prove society wrong with my success. I have a better relationship with my husband because I bring my confidence home to him, i'm no longer bringing him down with me, instead I am lifting him up. And the change? It came from first caring about me enough to deny myself of those things that were truly harming me.
DONT TAKE NUTRITION FOR GRANTED
We are given one body, God never intended for us to fill that body with poison. He intended to teach us how to fuel it like a well oiled machine. THAT is why I don't consume sugar anymore, THAT is why veggies and protiens are my go-to meals, THAT is why I will be that crazy mom that doesn't allow soda and juices in her home. Not because I judge others on what they eat, but because I wan't my kids to know, from a very young age that nutrition and excercize are going to help them have a successful happy life.
My journey will continue, and I hope yours will too!
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