From Lazy To Lively: Shift In Reality

About a month ago I wrote about my struggle with weight, food and depression. I want to follow up with that with a bold blog post. Now I need to start this with a warning. I am going to make some bold statements, and this blog is not for the weak of heart, it's for the people looking for change, who are tired putting bandaids on the problem and are looking for the solution.

YOUR MINDSET IS 80% PART OF THE SOLUTION

At the beginning of this year, the beginning of my marriage, during my mission, depression ruled my life. It was like a crazy wild roller coaster that I just wanted to get off of. People were telling me that I was a different person, I wasn't as happy as I used to be. I was crying at LEAST once a day, if not more. Self harming was on my mind constantly, weather it was through Bulimia or gouging my skin with a sharp pointy object, those thoughts were on my mind, just because it felt like those things would take the mental pain away.

Before I go on, you must know I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good amount of time. Food and I were always on rocky grounds, either I was eating far too much, or far too little, but my eating habits and my mental state were just plain out of control. I lied my way into a mission because I truly desired to serve, and I really thought the problem would go away, but any time I got stressed... the monster would come out and bingeing and purging were my comfort ....... and my demon.

Fast forward to my marriage. I LOVE my husband, and he is the ROCK of my life, but my depression wasn't just harming me, it was harming him. So after him pleading and my parents pleading I sought medical attention, the doctor prescribed what I like to call my "crazy meds" and away I went to the races. At first it did help with my depression, no more suicidal or self harming thoughts, but it brought on a whole new monster. Lack of self confidence from weight gain.

I was trading one evil for another. 

If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder, you know that gaining weight and being obese are a near debilitating fear, and the meds were a band aid for one problem, but in my case, they were NOT the solution. One day, after feeling sorry for myself, I realized that was the LAST day I was going to sit and wallow in self pity that I was so "FAT" and "BROKEN" I am the one who determines my own destiny, no pill, no doctor, no government is going to do that for me. So I stopped my meds, I wasn't going to let myself depend on a chemical. All my life I was told "you will probably need medication" but I knew there had to be something else at the core of my issue. And I realized, input determines output. 

Some people may say that going on extreme diets are crazy, but I need to tell you right now, if you put junk in your body, junk is going to come out, and not just by way of your feces. I made a goal, if I didn't want to deal with being overweight, weepy, and plain miserable, things ... needed... to change. 

I started to get motivated, looking at people who had weighed far more than me, and had transformed to fitness goddesses. I did a 4 day lemonade cleanse to jump start my new life, my new mindset, my new me. I started a workout plan, determined to go every day to the gym and not missing a beat. Lastly I started reading a good amount of self help books, because INPUT DETERMINES OUTPUT! 

One month passed, I wasn't eating sugar, carbs, milk, or grains. I was determined to get a fresh start and let my body reset. Because if your computer is going skwampy wampus, you hit that reset button, and my body sure as the day was all sorts of skwampy wampus. I lost 12 lbs, but more than that, I started gaining confidence. My thoughts were no longer "if this happens, things will get better" they were, "WHEN this happens it will be because I worked hard and am worth the outcome."  

I wish that the first thing my doctor had told me was that I should change my nutrition. Because my whole world changed once I removed the toxins from my body! You may make fun of those people who don't eat carbs, or those people who choose to only put veggies and proteins in their body. BUT I PROMISE YOU those people are happy and confident because they are making the choices that will change the entire makeup of their body. Again, doctors are good, they help us, but band aids are not the cure. For me, the cure to my depression, was a change of mindset, a development of character, and the will to remove bad eating habits and to put forth good eating habits. 

I'm still on my journey, but I don't cry anymore, (unless I watch Moana, or a movie about families... because those things are touching!) I don't ever fantasize about hurting myself. I am confident in my abilities to succeed, in fact I'm out to prove society wrong with my success. I have a better relationship with my husband because I bring my confidence home to him, i'm no longer bringing him down with me, instead I am lifting him up. And the change? It came from first caring about me enough to deny myself of those things that were truly harming me. 

DONT TAKE NUTRITION FOR GRANTED

We are given one body, God never intended for us to fill that body with poison. He intended to teach us how to fuel it like a well oiled machine. THAT is why I don't consume sugar anymore, THAT is why veggies and protiens are my go-to meals, THAT is why I will be that crazy mom that doesn't allow soda and juices in her home. Not because I judge others on what they eat, but because I wan't my kids to know, from a very young age that nutrition and excercize are going to help them have a successful happy life. 

My journey will continue, and I hope yours will too!

Never back down Never Surrender

Falling down is hardest when you loose the will to get back up again. In reading the scriptures one will come across a very profound statement from the Savior, "Whosoever shall humble himself as a little child, the same is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 18:4).
Do you remember what it's like to be a child? To run until you were out of breath and felt like you couldn't run anymore, to take every moment and make it magical, and the deep wonder you felt when you learned something new. Now think for a moment the Savior said "the greatest" in the kingdom of heaven, the Savior wasn't just blowing smoke he had a very valid point. The people in the world who are truly great people are those people who have the fervor and vigor of a little child. I remember the experience of learning to ride a bike being one of the most amazing feelings ever. That singular moment when you are up on your bike for the first time without training wheels, on your own, that moment feels like you are flying. So when was it that I lost that desire to learn and succeed? Do we just think that we know it all, that we can never learn to ride another metaphorical bike? How many times did you scrape your knee as a child, bump your head or fall off the monkey bars? Did you give up, did you let yourself hold on to the first failure? I believe that our childhood self is screaming out from within us, daring us to grab hold of something new and SUCCEED!

Over the years I have developed an almost crippling fear of failure. I want so deeply to succeed that any sign of failure will lead me to quit entirely before I have even begun. In this I am drawn back to the desire I had as a child to be amazing! Every challenge I faced I met with the mentality that I would eventually conquer this challenge. Now I'm not saying that as an adult you have to climb mount Everest or learn some crazy new skill. But I believe if we met life's challenges with the same vigor as a small child would meet a challenge, we would be hard pressed not to succeed.
For example, this new year we are all making some sort of resolution; either we want to loose weight, or get rid of some bad habits, we want to be more successful in school or in a career. Think though, how many times have we made a resolution but at the first sign of failure we just gave up on it entirely? I mean... do you remember last years resolution? Or were you so sick of giving up on resolutions that you didn't even make one? If you faced your resolution like your childhood self faced riding a bike I don't think you would mind when you got a few scrapes or bruises, because ultimately the fact of the matter is.... you knew you would succeed eventually.

The fact of the matter is NONE OF US ARE PERFECT, so in my opinion we would be doing ourselves a major disservice not to make a New Years resolution. This is the optimal time to make a change, the universe is pleading you to break out of the chains that you have put on yourself, and MOVE! We can't just settle for mediocrity! In 1973 Carl Sagan published “The Cosmic Connection: An Extraterrestrial Perspective” which included the following passage.

Our Sun is a second- or third-generation star. All of the rocky and metallic material we stand on, the iron in our blood, the calcium in our teeth, the carbon in our genes were produced billions of years ago in the interior of a red giant star. We are made of star-stuff.

We haven't been made to be like some plain old rock and sit on the side of a mountain wondering weather or not our day will come when we can shine. We are made of the stuff of destiny, we are made of STAR STUFF. So in all reality we should find a way to "let [our] light so shine."

"But What if I Fail??"

We all think this is a great notion right? Nike says "just do it" but what happens when you mess up, what happens when you loose the will to "DO IT". I think the quality of a man isn't determined by how many times he succeeds in life, but by the amount of times he is willing to get back up and move forward. For me, I have set the goal to loose weight in a healthy fashion, I have set goals and made plans on how I can eat healthier, how I can get to the gym more, and ultimately how I can succeed in doing so. In all reality, my plans might fall through. I may slip up now and again, but slipping up and giving up are two different things. We only loose in the struggle when we have given up entirely. So fight, fight for your own success, fight to be like that little child and when you get a scrape on your knee or a bruise on your hand be determined to get back on that bike and ride. Because you aren't made for mediocrity my friend. You are made of the stuff of greatness, you are made of star-stuff, so this year, get out there and SHINE, and I will be right beside you working to outshine 'em all!